Theres something about smoking.
Watching the smoke flicker in the atmosphere. Linger in the plains of this realm… helps the thoughts flow. Helps the body relax.
From the moment of lighting the cigarette until the ceremony is finished and you extinguish it’s life…
It’s a moment that is utterly satisfying.
A process and a routine that can always calm you down.
And then theres that one day you just grow tired of it.
Tired of the smell.
Tired of feeling like gravity is heavier on some days.
Tired of the routine.
But never tired of that calm thought process you receive from the nicotine.
I quit smoking cigarettes about 5 years ago with help from the electronic cigarette. Then eventually I quit that as well…
I get bored of things.
Then 2 years ago, I picked up cigarettes again, lightly.
After coming to Turkey, where almost everyone smokes and you can smell it everywhere you go, I began smoking again. Heavily.
I love it.
Thats the problem.
But I’ve also grown tired of it.
So, I’ve moved on again to the electric device… Which has its own routines and ceremonies that make it enjoyable.
It’s been a week of not really smoking at all and using only the electric.
It’s good for now.
And it’s a cleaner smoke really.
As I sit here contemplating the next canvas, I inhale a few puffs from my device, and watch it’s vapor dance around the heavy hot air of the studio…
Gravity feels fine.
I haven’t done much the last few days. Sometimes the complexities of it all consume my mind. Like a trillion swarming angry bees fight to break free inside my skull… times like these, even simple tasks of being a living organism seem absolutely impossible to complete:
A general sense of the world being paused is still around. The atmosphere has been strange this week. Heavy and filled with allergens.
In the past I would become rather upset at the idea of not working on paintings or drawings or anything… upset that I was wasting time, that I had to complete work everyday… like it was a race.
Now, I have learned to enjoy the days I can simply sit with my thoughts. Spend time with my wife. Sit by the sea and enjoy a tea. Or take in a few games of Tavla.
I’d love to be able to read a good book. It feels like ages. Where I am, books in english are hard to come by, the ones that are available are usually main stream, well known titles… I can read on my phone, sure, but my eyes don’t agree much with reading books on the phones screen.
Perhaps today will be another day of simply just existing. Maybe working slightly on some painting. Maybe finish the updates on the site and the shoppe for next months new work release.
And so I spent the day walking along the sea.