The most frustratingly difficult thing to remember is that everything happens with purpose. Even in the moments of absolute dullness, those moments and the thoughts that cross your mind, all play a role in events that will surface in your future. And in those future events, their outcomes are predetermined by the reaction you exhibited to situations in the past. No matter how insignificant... every moment counts.
I always seem to remember this when it’s too late. After I stress for some meaningless event or what have you.
However, I can say , the periods of time before I do remember have become shorter... so I suppose that’s some life improvement there, yea?
Apparently there was a solar event that occurred a few weeks back. Affected peoples moods etc., of course, that is, if you believe in that sort of thing. Me, I choose to believe everything is possible. Within limits. We exist inside a universe so vast and complex, we, humans, an energy locked inside an organic machine that has only really begun to understand the basic manual of what anything is at all... I cannot for a second believe that anything is an absolute fact.
That being said, my personality and my moods and my work all sort of exist in a flux with the changing of the seasons and the effects of the world around me.
I seem to be entering a new phase, and it always seems to happen when I’m just not finished with the last one.
For the last two years I have been searching to reassemble a certain peace of mind that I had the luxury of experiencing before I came to my adopted new home. Since my migration, anxiety and panic have plagued me once again. Certain fears and phobias resurfaced that I thought I had long since banished from my nature. Examining my work during this time I believe it is evident, no matter how hidden the message is within.
In the last few days ,however , I feel that peace returning... I once again see that spark of light that would envelope me and take me on a journey through the cosmos during meditations.
Meditation is so important. Especially for people like me. The last two years I had great difficulty finding a “zone” to reestablish my practice... I think I have been able to find it. Or , rather , it has found me once again. And I cannot express how happy I am about that.
All of this, of course is what brings me to the point.
Reflecting on all these brought about a new idea for a series of paintings. incorporating some elements and process that is not usual to my practice.
The idea itself is still in that odd place of between here and there, inside this reality and outside some lost dimension. The best I can try to describe it is this: an image of large dinner party came to mind. something about this to me, summed up all of existence. sometimes we engage at a dinner, sometimes we sit back and become the spectator. some people use these moments to let their true selves fly while others create tangled stories to win over others at the event.
After some rough sketches for my ideas for larger canvas, I began working on small still life pieces in oil pastel on paper. These being a sort of study for the items that will be at this grand dinner engagement at the end of time. While working on the still life pieces, something clicked. Just how calm and serene a simple still life can be. I've avoided them for years. Fluffed them off as just school work... but there really is something mediative in creating them.
Hopefully in the weeks to come I can better describe in words the details of this series. But for now it is this mis-mash of words.
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